ο½₯ﾟ✧ cookies.eliatal.xyz ✧ﾟο½₯

Elia's Cookie HQ

the only cookie website on the internet with actual parental paperwork*

*Paperwork issued by Dad. Dad's paperwork is decorative. See Mom.

official_permit.exe

Department of Dad* Β· Kitchen Division

Official Cookie Permit*

This certifies that Elia Tal has full, official, no-take-backs** approval from Dad* to make cookies.

Permit no.
COOKIE-0001
Issued
20 September 2026
Valid until
the cookies run out*
Approved by
Dad. Personally. On purpose.***
Final authority
Mom.† Obviously.
Dad* signature of approving Dad
countersignature of Mom (the one that actually counts)†

*"Approval", "Permit", "Official" and "Department of Dad" refer to the opinions of Dad, which are advisory. Any Dad decision may be overruled, overthrown, reversed, suspended, amended or simply ignored by Mom at any time, for any reason, including no reason.

**"No-take-backs" binds Dad only. Mom has unlimited take-backs.

***"On purpose" describes Dad's intent. Dad's intent carries no legal weight in this household.

†Mom's ruling is final. There is no appeal. Asking Dad again after Mom has said no is a permit violation and also will not work.

*Proof not effective against Mom. Do not show proof to Mom. Mom has seen the proof and is not impressed.

ingredients.txt

Chocolate chip cookies

How many?

    Tap things as you get them out. Butter should be soft: take it out of the fridge first!

    *Party mode requires a party. Parties require Mom. Dad cannot authorize a party. Dad has tried.

    how_to_cookie.doc

    The steps

    *As long as Mom hasn't said otherwise. If Mom says stop at step 6, it's step 6 forever.

      what_NOT_to_do.txt

      Leaving the kitchen in a Normal State*

      The kitchen was in a normal state when you found it. It needs to be in a normal state when you leave it. To help, here is a list of things that obviously nobody would ever do:

      White kitchen curtains covered in chocolate smears and one small chocolate handprint.
      Exhibit A

      Do NOT smear chocolate on the kitchen window curtains.

      They are white. It is sticky. Yes, they hang right at hand height and yes, they feel like a towel. They are not a towel. This one is listed first for a reason.

      ⚠️ MAJOR WARNING ⚠️Do NOT break the egg all over your phone and the kitchen counter.

      A raw egg broken on top of a smartphone lying on a kitchen counter, egg white spreading across the counter.
      Exhibit E (the expensive one)

      You are reading this recipe on your phone. Your phone is therefore right next to the bowl. We can all see where this is going.

      1. Move the phone away from the bowl. Further. Prop it up somewhere dry.
      2. Crack the egg on the edge of the bowl, over the bowl.
      3. The egg goes in the bowl. That is the whole plan. There is no step where the egg visits the phone.
      4. If egg gets on the counter anyway: wipe it up now, with a cloth, then wash your hands. Raw egg is not a "later" thing.

      Phones are not egg-proof. Counters are not self-cleaning. Dad's approval does not cover a new phone.* *Neither does Mom's, and hers is the one that would have counted.

      • Do NOT open the flour like a bag of chips. Flour is not confetti, and socks leave footprints.
      • Do NOT use every bowl in the house. The recipe needs two. Two.
      • Do NOT lick the spoon and put it back in the bowl. We all saw.
      • Do NOT hide the burnt ones in the plant pot. The plant knows.
      • Do NOT leave exactly one (1) chocolate chip on the floor for Dad to find barefoot at 6 AM.
      • Do NOT leave the oven on. Go and look. Actually look.
      • Do NOT describe the result as "basically clean". There is no "basically".
      • Do NOT say "I'll clean it later." Later is not a time.

      *"Normal State" is defined, inspected and ruled on by Mom. Dad's "looks fine to me" is not admissible evidence and has never once been correct.

      faq.html

      Frequently asked questions

      Did Dad really approve this?

      Yes.* He had this whole website made about it. Nobody builds a website for a "maybe".

      *Dad's yes is a real yes, in the sense that Dad really said it.

      Are you sure?

      Yes.*

      *Pending Mom.

      Like, sure sure?

      YES.* See the stamp. Stamps are legally binding in this house.**

      *Still pending Mom. **Stamps are not legally binding in this house. Mom is legally binding in this house.

      What do all the little * mean?

      They mean "ask Mom". Every single one. There are a lot of them because it's important.

      What if Mom says no?

      Then it's no. Dad's approval is overthrown instantly, the permit is void, and this website is very sorry for getting your hopes up. Try again another day.*

      *Ask Mom which day.

      Can Dad overrule Mom?

      No.

      Dad would like it noted that he once won an argument. Mom disputes this, and Mom's version is the official one.

      So who really calls the shots?

      Mom. Mom calls the shots. Dad calls the website.

      What if somebody says I'm not allowed?

      Press the big proof button at the top and hold your screen up. Say nothing. Let the permit speak.*

      *Unless that somebody is Mom. Then put the phone down slowly. The button does not work on Mom. Nothing works on Mom.

      Is there fine print?

      There is almost nothing else. But here's more:

      • The Cookie Tax: Dad gets at least 2 cookies. Warm ones.*
      • The kitchen ends up as clean as it started. (This one comes from Mom, so it's the only rule on this page that's actually enforceable.)
      • Oven mitts, always. Hot trays do not care about permits.
      • Siblings may be offered cookies at the permit holder's discretion.**

      *Mom may claim Dad's cookies. Mom's own share is set by Mom and is not called a tax, it's called "being the mom". **Discretion reverts to Mom on request.